Have fun kids...and don't eat unwrapped candy...

Logical

D.Smith

Yes, yes it’s that time of year again…Halloween…an excuse to dress up like idiots and get drunk just because…

I have compiled a list of the Top Five Played Out Halloween Costumes…

Now before certain people get their panties in a ruffle…just because I am declaring these played out…doesn’t mean you all out there in viewer land cant pick one and still pull it off…

I’m just saying your shit is played out…but don’t take that to heart…masturbation is also played out and I partake in that all the time!!!

#5 – The Nurse outfit – This is the quintessential I’m slutty and proud!!! Halloween costume…I personally love it…but the problem is…it takes a certain type of woman to rock this the right way…and usually its not that type of chick who goes that route…Ladies…you need swagger to pull this off…so think wisely before you end up the shy slutty nurse at the party…that girl is always prey for the grimey fellas with roofies in their back pocket…not a good look…

#4 – Cop – I don’t know if its the fact that I dont like cops but this is just a bad costume to me…unless its some badass 70′s cop…you just end up looking like this guy here on the left…its bullshit…no other regular profession gets this much air time…Would you dress up like a teacher? No…Would you dress up like a toll booth operator? No…so spread the love amongst our civil servants when you grab those cheap ass handcuffs and copper badge from Party City…

#3 – Superhero* – This one has an asterick because I’m not against a hot superhero costume but I’m against this shit right above…it takes a lot to really be a superhero…its like being the Tinman…(see that shit would be hot)…but if your going to be Spiderman…NO premade costumeking.com jumpsuit-in-the-pack…that is completely unacceptable for anyone over 12…just because they make the adult size…doesn’t mean you should get it…let alone be happy about it like the one on the left playing Batman…

#2 – An Unnamed Athlete – (***YES, we know the kids here are depicting characters from The Warriors, but all the other pics with people in unnamed athlete Halloween costumes were shitty…so please willingly suspend disbelief for the purpose of this one post…Thank you) If you wanna be an athlete…sure go for it…be Yao Ming…Barry Bonds…Yogi Berra…but unless your 7…you can’t just show up as a baseball player…its time to step it up man…be Hakeem The Dream and dribble all night motherfucker!!!! (Tiger Woods would also be a hot costume…if you could get a quality mask and some Callaway clubs)

#1 – Ghost – Corny and a copout…the classic fuck it costume…to sum it up lightly…unless your an orphan? Totally unacceptable…Even in a recession you should be able to come up with a better costume than your cum-stained sheet!!!

Logical

D.Smith

And I’ll tell you why…

Essentially…this is what is missing from my life…

Pure…genuine…innocent joy…

Look at that smile…when was the last time you smiled like that?

Let alone over your Halloween costume…I envy this little bastard…

For the past year…while I have second guessed myself on an almost daily basis on where my future will take me and whether or not I have fucked up thus far…I have not ONCE experienced a fraction of the joy this kid embodies in this very picture right before your eyes…

Not on pay day…not during sex…not while getting drunk…shit…not even on Christmas!!!

If it aint happening on Christmas…it aint NEVER happening…

And thats the problem…wheres the light at the end of the tunnel???

When I was this kids age…there was always that glimmer of hope…that “Oh I got Christmas”…”Oh its almost my birthday”…”Oh its almost summer!!!!!”

Summer???

Summer hasn’t really meant shit since 10th grade!!!

So i’ll tell you what Bobby (for the purpose of this piece…I’m gonna call the motherfucker Bobby…if you actually are Bobby…and have a problem with that…e-mail me and I will have no problem editing the post to Kevin or Billy or whatever the fuck your name is) my best advice to you and your creative little Gameboy costume is to enjoy it…

Saturday morning cartoons (if they still exist) and summer vacations wont last forever little fella so take advantage man…take adavantage…

Logical

D.Smith

It’s Halloween time people.  It’s time to hose everything in sight with shaving cream, and throw eggs, and spray paint stray dogs, and break windows, and blow up mailboxes!  It’s time to pull out that mental list of all the things you’ve been dreaming of vandalizing all year long.  Remember that neighbor who yelled at you for leaving cigarette butts on his lawn?  Well it’s time for some sweet revenge, finally.  Let’s see how boisterous he is while he’s cleaning dried dog shit off the door handles of his $75,000 dollar Benzino. 

GOD I miss being young.

- Mike James

* And for no apparent reason here’s a fat man shooting an automatic handgun.

Goddamn this jiggly baystid is fat.