A Love Story

Me (for just a short period of time though)

In 10th grade, there was a Spanish girl with a big butt that I had a crush on.

Unfortrunately for me, there’s not much more to the story.

She was in my math class.

Let’s just call her Virginia.

(Because that’s Spanish…)

I spent a good 2 weeks inching my way closer to her side of the room till we were just sitting next to one another.

Sounds good, right?

Next thing you know, I get the number.

Late night love jonesin’

Aight, this is 10th grade, so more like 9:30pm love jonesin’

Back then I thought I was the man though.

You couldn’t tell me shit!

I would put on my little slow jams and sit next to the radio when I called.

“Hello, is Virginia there?”

“Yeah, hold on a moment”

“Thank you”

“Virginia some strange boy playing Jodeci really loud is on the phone for you.”

Anyway, by the time I find out that my beloved Virginia was a slut in training, this silly broad gets into a physical altercation with 2 other girls outside of school and her parents force her to transfer.

Her homegirl Tanya came up to me days later talkin’ bout, “Oh I talked to Virginia the other day, man she really liked you. Too bad she’s at some totally different school far far away probably sucking some other guy’s…

(I’m paraphrasing here).

And that my friends was the exact moment that I transformed from a regular black 10th grader to a small English child at a soccer game.

And then back to normal, once I was over her.

- Logical (@logicalnyc)

Published in: on March 5, 2010 at 10:11 am  Comments (4)  
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Survey Says, “Fuck Internet Passwords”

Mike

It’s official, passwords are for pussies.  I can’t remember any of my passwords anymore, there’s simply too many.  Instead, I must go through the incredible pain in the ass of changing my username and password every time I need to log onto anything!

Here’s the shortlist of things I use, which ALL require both a username and a password.  For the sake of clarity I have broken them down into two catagories: Work and Home.

Work –  Signing into my computer, Signing into my work email,  half a dozen other programs that will make no sense to you, the commoner.

Homegmail, ebay, half.com, myspace, facebook, Andthisismyamerica, imdb.com, hotmail, craigslist, Bank of America, DiggReddit, Pandora, and about 20 Adult websites that feature hardcore pornography that you needn’t concern yourselves with.

If you calculate all the passwords up it’s literally in the dozens.  And to make matters worse, these motherfuckers won’t even let you double up on passwords and usernames anymore.  WHY? Because the normal ones are too easy to hack.

My original password for my hotmail account was ” DrNo “, from the James Bond franchise.  But now you need a minimum of like 8 characters, plus a number, plus a fucking symbol!  My hotmail password went from ” DrNo ” to ” Skeet4Skeet-Zittle55*# ” do you have any idea how hard that is to remember?! I don’t even know what that little tic-tac-toe sign is called!

I propose we make with the universal retinal scanners so I don’t have to kill a bitch.

Simon says, "Bleed."

Simon says, "Bleed."

Mike James
8/03/09

Published in: on August 3, 2009 at 12:43 pm  Comments (2)  

One Bloody Tampon Can Turn Your Whole Week Around

Perhaps the best picture Ive ever stumbled upon, not just the ones we found looking for tampons...

Perhaps the best picture I've ever stumbled upon, and not just out of the ones we found looking for tampons...

http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=news/local&id=6914735

Ok, so for starters I have had a miserable start to my week.

Since late Sunday night, I have had a terrible toothache which, come to find out, is infected.

To top that off, once it is healed, the tooth needs to be removed…

Yeah, not good.

I don’t have insurance mind you.

Yeah, not good.

So that brings me to this.

Tampons.

And to tell you the truth, for me at least, it’s little things like this that can turn a man’s whole day around…

As I sit in my mother’s house, watching the evening news with the whole right side of my face swollen and throbbing, yearning to be back in my own house, pain free, I began to comprehend the above news story.

A man.

A tourist nonetheless.

Found, and nearly swallowed a bloody tampon inside his steak Friday night while dining in style at the ritzy Bull and Bear Steak House in the world renowned Waldorf Astoria.

Really?

Someone would do that?

When incidents like this occur, I always seem to go through the possible motives in my head.

And I sit there like how do you get to the point, where the next step is an individual standing in a kitchen thinking, “You know what? I should just put my tampon in this bastard’s food…fuck him!”

That just seems like you brought out the Cristal for the wrong guest.

Like you wanna put a booger in his food?

A few pubes?

Even a whole loogie…

But a used tampon?

Sickening

The poor guy from Germany, Axel Sanz-Claus, hasn’t been able to eat or sleep since.

Can you blame him?

I don’t think I would be able to swallow for a year without reliving the whole ordeal.

And pussy would never, ever, ever, be the same again.

Poor Axel.

And there you have it.

It was at that exact moment that I realized, “Sure, I’m having a pretty bad week…”

But absolutely, positively, nothing compared to what our German buddy is going through.

Fuck a bad week.

My man Axel is done for ’09.

- Logical

Published in: on July 15, 2009 at 7:40 am  Comments (2)  
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Why Female Condoms Just Never Really Took Off…

I was talking to a friend of mine recently.

A female friend might I add.

And the topic of female condoms came up.

It went something like this:

Me: I don’t really understand why female condoms never took off…

Her: I do, “Hey hold on one sec while I stick this rubber balloon up my pussy before we get it on”

Me: *sigh*

And that was it.

Sometimes all it takes is one unpleasant sentence, followed by an uncomfortable visual to shut me the fuck up…

- Logical

Published in: on July 8, 2009 at 3:37 pm  Comments (14)  
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A Legend Is Born Folks…

I feel like this motherfucker right here in the chair

I feel like this motherfucker right here in the chair

On this very same day, workers went on strike at the Hoover Dam in 1931.

In 1974 on August 8th, President Richard Nixon announced his resignation.

In 1990, Iraq occupied Kuwait.

And in 2009, on August 8th, a legend has been born folks…

I’m ready to take all this shit right here to that next level.

I, Devonte “Logical” Smith have turned a corner in my life.

Jumped a hurdle.

Gotten the type of monkey off my back that will often times weigh on a man his whole life.

I’m a changed man ladies and gentleman.

True story.

And while I’m sure there are a lot of you out there that could give a fuck, I just thought I would share.

In the past yr, starting right about the time that I came up with the concept for this blog, I have been through a whirlwind of events.

Real life shit, depression, relationship shit, unemployment, and through it all, I am much happier today than I was a year ago when I had so called stability.

In the mere sense that I am no longer at that god forsaken job I used to write so many of the posts for this blog from, my life has experienced a complete 360.

I have a new found desire to step my game up in every facet on a daily basis.

I’m no longer selling myself short and saving shit that could be done today for tomorrow.

Now I know this is on par with the corny shit Tom Cruise did in the beginning of Jerry Maguire that got his overzealous ass fired right after, only for me, its personal.

I’m just really trying to document this moment as a turning point in my young life.

Now, for the purpose of this blog, I am not going to get too Rev Run on everyone and try to change the world and spread my joy.

Mainly because happiness and joy in this day and age are short lived, so I’m riding this shit out before I get too carried away and you guys find me on the Logical Motivational Speaking Tour

Now as far as this wonderful place known as And This Is My America, I wanna do something different with this blog at this point and I hope anyone who is down will stick around for the ride.

I’m about to switch shit up around here.

I will see you guys very soon with what most likely will be some weird and wild shit to think about.

Legendary shit to think about…

- Logical

P.S. If any of you out there tweet, hit me up on Twitter, @LogicalNYC

Published in: on July 8, 2009 at 6:00 am  Comments (3)  
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When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong – Hulk Hogan Defends O.J. Simpson

Indeed Hogan, Indeed

Shit, well apparently Hogan...

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/TV/04/15/hulk.hogan.oj/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

“I could have turned everything into a crime scene like O.J., cutting everybody’s throat. You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can’t go to anymore, you’re driving through downtown Clearwater [Florida] and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife …I totally understand O.J. I get it”

Riiiiiiggggghhhhhtttt!!

Perfect example of the type of shit you tell your buddy while your playing Nintendo Wii

NOT during an interview with Rolling Stone magazine

Logical

D.Smith

Published in: on April 16, 2009 at 7:52 am  Comments (4)  
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Home Sweet Home – Devonte Smith and Mike James Return From The Great Soul Searching Excursion of 2009!

Hakuna Matata Motherfuckers!

Hakuna Matata Motherfuckers!

Well, well, well, what can I say except, we are back, and truly better than ever.

In the past few weeks, while you guys and gals have sat around pondering what to do without your weekly fix of And This Is My America, Mike James and myself left the fucking country.

When the going gets tough, we get going…

Plain and simple.

Now, I had a few ideas before we left about why we were leaving, but 14 bottles of tequila later I really fucking forgot.

So the trip essentially turned into, The Great Soul Searching Excursion of 2009.

A time for me and Mike to sit back, travel the world, and really think.

We discussed world peace, marijuana decriminalization, politics, sports, and gynecology.

And at the end, I think we emerged better men.

Fast forward through the plane ride back and we are back in New York City.

And back we are…

Impatiently awaiting the arrival of summer, or “Titty Season” as Mike likes to call it.

One thing I have noticed is, since we have been gone not a damn thing has changed.

We’re still broke.

Everyone else is still broke.

We’re still not as young as we used to be.

I still don’t have a job and Mike still hates his.

And the ocean is still a Somalian Pirates playground.

Go fucking figure.

Alright, I’m going to hit the hay for now, but check out these awesome pictures me and Mike took from our trip and stay tuned for more of our usual shenanigans…

Mexico

Mexico

Barcelona

Barcelona

France

France

Last And Certainly Not Least - South Africa!

Last And Certainly Not Least - South Africa!

Logical

D.Smith

P.S. If you are interested in using The Great Soul Searching Excursion of 2009 concept for marketing and promotional purposes, please contact me at itshardbeingbeautiful@gmail.com

P.P.S. Yes, thats really my e-mail address. If you don’t believe me, drop me a line and I’ll be sure to reply at my earliest convenience.

“Life After Film School” with John Cena?!

Fox Movie Channel has this series of interviews called Life After Film School.  On this series they interview actors, directors, screenwriters, etc.  If they had a shred of credibility left over from their interview of Tim Story (director of Taxi and Fantastic Four), it has now left them, with their latest interview of John Cena.

If you feel like watching 27 minutes of mind numbing conversation click here

john_cena-interview

Or I can save you the trouble and describe what a bunch of hack USC film students interviewing John Cena sounds like.

Virgin #1: “Uuuumin the final scene when you had to fight that guy on the airplane wing while the plane was moving, who’s idea was it to kill the guy with a bodyslam instead of using a spinebuster when that clearly would end the fight faster”?

john-cena-running
 
Virgin #2: “Yeah I just wanted to know where you got your motivation, you know when your wife gets kidnapped cause you’re obviously a very good, well trained actor, but that just seemed so real!  Sort of like when you were wrestling and you beat Rick Flair, but he stole your title belt after the match.  You totally showed the same anger in that scene.  Was Flair your motivation?”

Jesus Christ I fucking hate people.

- Mike James

Sorry About The Break, But Just So You Know…

They Sure Dont Make Em Like This Anymore...

They Sure Don't Make 'Em Like This Anymore...

While Mike James and myself are taking time to concentrate on some other projects, I have created a little place for me to drop knowledge on you guys…

No holds barred, in a pretty raw format…

Feel free to come check me out at The Devonte Smith Project

Live and very uncensored!!!

Logical

D.Smith

Published in: on March 24, 2009 at 6:38 pm  Comments (3)  
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I Always Have This When I Try To Explain To Someone That Love Can Make A Motherfucker Go Crazy…

Never been a big Tom Cruise fan but this never gets old.

He should have won an Oscar for this shit…

Definitely

Logical

D.Smith

Published in: on March 24, 2009 at 10:55 am  Leave a Comment  
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